I may lose my two chances with Katie and Meghann... ...though...Meghann and I had coffee and we talked a lot on that Tuesday. Katie...I saw at my work and we talked as well. She was supposed to call me but she didn't and now I dont even know if she is interested in me. I'm not sure...she has my number. I have hers but it's not like I can call her because of bad experiences from before that led me to this day. Calling people got me screwed up, forced to lose relationships, friendships, vice versa. I cant allow myself to call another girl until this feeling has lifted....
Katie...
Meghann...
Fuqq!! I'm in a love triangle!! |
|
Hey Dave...if you're reading this...knock off the sex act. I know you're making fun of me of me doing so but I dont so you know. You were warned Dave and I also warned anyone else about this false assumption. Stop it or you'll die before a porn site comes to you. I'm not in the mood to fuck around... |
So...my mom is upset at me. She thinks I'm a pervert. Well, I'm not. That pornographic site just popped up while I was looking for Evangelion the box set on Amazon and Ebay and finding the news on mp4s. I wish that my mom and Dave will cut the fucking crap about me being a pervert when they know I'm not one at heart. What the fuck... ...they're going to die for false assumptions...
This is the last time that I'm being told falsely...it ends now. Just you wait... |
Yes I am...I yelled at my mom and now I feel like I want to die. I can't take the yelling anymore...Sui...cide...
Death... blood... what is this...why am I feeling this pain...I dont want it... I dont want it... it hurts... it fucking hurts. It hurts... It hurts...
The pain... the pain won't stop... ...darkness is going to get me and I can't seem to get to the light. No... no...
I just don't understand why the pain won't stop hurting me... Hurting me... killing me... kill...ing ...me...
...Why... why...................
*break* *broken* *mindraped times 2* AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Get out of my mind...it's being defiled... ....defiled.... AHHHHHH!!Current Mood:  ...again... Current Music: Water Ruin: Jet force Gemini |
I don't care...
Reap: I can't do this...either way...you're going have to make a decision.
Chace: I won't.
Jealousy...so what's the difference.
When we are jealous sometimes, we sometimes envy those who are better than us. And sometimes we just love to pity those who will be hurt in the long term. I can sometimes see others who are jealous of others but the hell can they do. If they're happy, then let them be happy. Be supportive, don't be an asshole. I can't be supportive. I basically can't take this lovesickeness for so long. Back then...when I was a kid...I was happy. I was so happy...I had friends, a good family, someone to talk to about my life (My girlfriend), and good loving people in the neighborhood. So why me?! Why ME!!
1. I want a girlfriend that makes me happy and is happy for everything.
2. Keep working in a job in my own pace for a bit longer.
3. Keep going to school until I'm ready to take on the world by storm.
4. I want to have the career of my dreams.
5. Updated cell phone.
6. A new life.
7. Have sex every night.
8. Taking relaxing hot baths.
9. Going to Japan.
10. Keep my web accounts.
11. MMORPG (Massive Multiplayer Online Role-playing games)
12. Magic the Gathering.
13. Anime.
14. My video gaming inventory
15. My music inventory.
16. Updated Laptop.
17. Updated desktop.
18. Lots of money.
19. Updated car that works for jackshit.
20. My life until I want to and say it's over... |
| » ...Last chance... (Empty Soul) |
|---|
Okay...I think I should lay off the act. I'm tired of this. I'm pissed atr myself because Brianna is upset at me for looking down her shirt. It's basically not my fault for doing it wrong or correct but in no way in either aspect its wrong or right...I'm tired of this... I'm so tired of this...
I will not tolerate this...
I will not be rejected...by a f****** girl by some goddamn insult!!!
I WILL NOT!!!
If only someone can feel my pain...
Jan. 27th, 2005 @ 09:10 am
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| » Guinevere, Jill, Aya, Alice, Tex...they're all the same. Faction of the unknown |
|---|
Well...thus ends the age when women are no longer sweet, cuddly, adorable, innocent and fragile. This is a new age and revolution for them. I see that they want to be one with the boys. Good luck...it's going to take more than good looks to be badass. You got to have the moves, the postures, the cold, dark looks and that saying: "I'm gonna kick your ass." Well...I guess the guys don't have to worry about the women of today because nowadays they can take care of themselves just like the guys do. I guess we basically live in an age when both sexes can live equally in peace...maybe.
Bulzeeb's argument: Since the shortest time I known this happening since high school and way before that...I really hate the fact that girls keep putting me down with their remarks that I can't counter or counterattack with...I just wish that girls went back to their original ways or something...you know...less with the cold, more with being warm in their company or something like that. I thought that this was not coming to pass but something told me to accept it and I can't take it anymore... the rejections after another has to stop. I don't care but it has to stop!! ...This...I don't know what they're going through but I'm sick and DEFINITELY sick and tired of the tough ones always getting to me and putting me down. It....all....stops....now....don't believe me....try me. You'd be the first to witness the wrongs of this age!!
Jan. 13th, 2005 @ 12:02 pm
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| » The reasons why I'm Lone Kite |
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I'll always be Lone Kite. i can't be anyone else at this point. I will always have enemies in the mere future...I will make friends from time to time and I will always be me... or...something that...oh I don't know. I've been listening to so much music lately that it suddenly opened a door that allowed me to see the inner part of myself. Lindsay Lohan, Avril Lavigne, Linkin Park and Diecast taught me everything that I needed to know. Shindra...also told me this:
"You can be anyone you wish to be just as long as you're the same person on the inside rather than the outside."
If I do see her again...I would just hug her and give her a kiss for saying that quote. Anyways, I know she sounds a little out of the ordinary but don't worry... will no one else find me? Just go back to your lives and live it well as I live my life the way I want it to be. Just laid back, solemn, cool and something else...
Jan. 12th, 2005 @ 03:27 pm
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| » Alt-egos: Let it all go out 17,19,21,23 |
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What is...life exactly? To love or be loved, to live to the fullest, to do everything you always wanted before your death, to be saddened by the ones who tore away your heart multiple times. I cannot die...I still have much to do. In this dark, light, somewhat balanced world, there is still much to be done...to make things right in your life. Heh. Romance and passion are the firestarters to a new beginning if you keep it lit up that is. As for me...you know the rest...now let me be...life is too short for anyone with plans ahead of them. Make it so...
Rayne Brohmann ~Alt-egos~ Chapter 17
One would think that they can succeed with intelligence alone. They're right. Some would think that they can never succeed with intelligence. They're right as well. Most would think that they can never succeed in this lifetime. That is unknown. Then how can one being change from being innocent to being so cold-hearted? I guess it comes from the world that is around him. People everywhere are so corrupt that they don't know what to do or where to go. I, prehaps am that being that changed...as much as despise it...I hate change. It does stupid things to you and in the next day you can't remember what happened to you last night. It hurts...it hurts...I want the pain to stop...
Terril McKinnely ~Alt-egos~ Chapter 19
The insecurities I have...I can't stand it...I feel like an idiot just not doing what I wanted in so long. I just wanted...her to understand of how I feel about her but I can't because her looks... ...just makes any person to fuck her brains out. I can imagine it now...now it's taking over...the curse I hate the most will be the gift to her when she needs it most. ...I can't say it...only we...the lone ones will talk and reveal all...that is when...the tables will turn or the tables...will... ...will... ..........
Crussell C. Gast ~Alt-egos~ Chapter 21
Life is too short for anyone. Immortality is impossible. Infinity is invalid. God is everywhere. The Buddah is wise. Mountains are eternal. The earth has a lifespan like the sun. The sun and the moon are opposites...so...who are we?
We're opposites from each other's looking glass. We look different from each other. We're never ever alike. We despise each other, we hate one another. We love one another, we marry for love's sake. Our hearts are in pain neither they fall in love... the angels are heavenly, the fallen ones corrupt, they see into you and think you're stupid.
So...what's the point to this? I'm a lonely boy with no way out of this problem. I hate... ...I just...dislike... period.
Bulzeeb: The Dark Breath ~Alt-egos~ Chapter 23
Jan. 10th, 2005 @ 11:54 am
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| » *sigh* |
|---|
...WHY AM I THE ONE WHO ATTRACTS TAKEN WOMEN! I'M AN ASSHOLE NOW! I CAN'T SEEM TO USE WHATEVER I'M USING TO THE SINGLE GIRLS!!
I guess Christina...warned me that this would happen. More paranoia. Thanks. Now I'm infected with the warning stuck in me!
...What the fuck ever...I'm going to the kitchen for a swig. >.
Sep. 3rd, 2004 @ 12:40 am
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| » Vindicated |
|---|
And so...I've earned the title: Lone Kite once again...why am I always this title...24/7...
Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine of it has caught my eye
And roped me in
So mesmerizing, so hypnotizing
I am captivated
I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself
So clear
Like the diamond in your ring
Cut to mirror your intentions
Oversized and overwhelmed
The shine of which has caught my eye
And rendered me
So isoloated, so motivated
I am certain now that
I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself
So turn
Up the corners of your lips
Part them and feel my finger tips
Trace the moment, fall forever
Defense is paper thin
Just one touch and I'd be in
Too deep now to ever swim against the current
So let me slip away (3x)
So let me slip against the current
So let me slip away (4x)
I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself
Slight hope
It dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption...
My final tocatta is over. The pain is dead. The temptations will grow more than before. I am alone. I am Kite. And no one is going to change that. Just for that, the journey ends at Harper...I can't go any further...I can't fly...my home is in A building...and that's where I belong...
Now that everything is over, a new adventure begins but...a new void will be born and continue to consume me whole. I'm not sure how much time I have left but I shouldn't worry about it until I feel it coming onto the surface, killing me. ...I don't wanna die alone...I hate being alone...where's my god now when I need him!!
Presea is the only hold-back of the void that is left. I'm not sure how long she can hold off the darkness... ...If only she was real... I've finally buried my past to sleep but it still...plagues me at night. I just can't stop thinking about it...
Like hell, I have to put up with Shinji and Vivian's new relationship...even I bet Vivian still holds a grudge for me 'stalking' her back in high school. Like hell, I have to put up with Chris and Rebecca's unstoppable relationship. I can't seem to handle it. Like hell, I have to put up with all relationships around A building and I don't say anything to them about my overwhelmed jealousy. I don't hate them or anything...I...just...wanted to let it all out or I'll overflow...and that'll be bad for me...
Good luck to all of you. Shinji, Vivian, Lisa, Garrett, Chris, Rebecca, and mostly...Terri and Nick. *sigh* I miss being taken...I've always missed it...I hate it... ...I am... ...... ....... ...... just...lovesick...
Sep. 3rd, 2004 @ 12:24 am
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| » ...Shinji |
|---|
Just to give you a warning...Emmy was one of those stuck up girls back in high school who hated me because of what I was...don't tell her I said this...if you feel suspicion of this...you were warned Ikari.
Aug. 28th, 2004 @ 12:18 am
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| » New event for Neo-final tocatta |
|---|
I was involved in a confusing love square to begind with...
Alison
Me
Dianah
Carrie
By process of elimination...
Me
Dianah
Some new girl
Now I'm in a love triangle...I want it shattered before the next full moon.
Aug. 28th, 2004 @ 12:16 am
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| » Final Chapter ended |
|---|
How did it end? It...didn't...NO...he succeeded!
Yes I did. I succeeded allright and now my depression has been lifted from the hells and now being purified in the heavens. I just talked to my ex and she said she was sorry for the things that she said about me two years ago. I was over everything of what she said back then and now I have no one to look for in a relationship so now I'm stuck with Diane again. Knowing our past mistakes, we made an agreement that we'll stick to each other, no matter what the situation may be. But...to summarize this for people who needed the experience...here's...this...
Diane asked me to marry her...I said yes. Right choice? Perhaps. She has been molested her entire life and she felt like total shit without me. She always has this 'Chacie' feeling that wouldn't go away. She wanted to stop thinking about me. But the more she tried to get rid of the thought, the more depressed she gotten. As she grew more depressed and depressed by the day for two years, she couldn't handle it anymore...she turned to me and apologized to me and asked me for forgiveness. I forgave her because she was the only one around that treated me like a special person. In return, I treated her as a woman individual. I gave all the freedom and space and time she needed and I guess back then, she didn't use it. Now, she learned everything until now and now she and I are one once again. In a couple of days, I will see her again and this time...I'm not leaving her side again...this time...I'm sticking to the one I love close for that day only.
Let's just say that Chace has finally let his wings bloom and soar across the sky once again like it was two years ago. Everyone in the world...hear me out...IT'S NOT TOO LATE FOR YOU TO FALL IN LOVE. EVERYONE DESERVES TO FALL IN LOVE. PLAY IT OKAY AND YOU'LL BE SAFE AT HOME BASE. Find your own ways on how to find girls. Bars, internet, school, playground...there are more than 1000 ways to get girls and go in a real relationship. Everyone is beautiful on the inside. Don't hide your true feelings...except for assholes and assholes can change too in a timely amount of time. Just start fresh and become someone old and new...old meaning be yourself. New meaning be confident in who you are...
I'm a bit out of it and now I'm going to play some games. Farewell...
~Two Feelings: Lucemia~ Legend of Mana. Awesome fucking song. Opens up your mind big time. Recommend it to you all.
Aug. 22nd, 2004 @ 01:32 am
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| » Chace vs. The World (The Venomoth Effect) |
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Chace: I have a confession to make...the calls that Kristen were said, were fake. I lied to you guys. I lied about everything. I only did it just so I can be more interesting.
Chace: You're interesting enough...
Jim: I think we all know this by now. He needs a girlfriend.
Russ: Poor Chace...can't get any can you?
Lisa: You know what I think, Chace deserves a good girl.
Chace: Yeah, like one will ever show up. I know this because i'ts not going to happen.
Shinji: If you keep dreaming like that, it'll never happen to you, man.
Lisa: Dave is right, Chace.
Chace: ...
Shinji: Dude. Don't ever fall in love. Love is a waste of time.
Chace: Fuck that shit Shinji, no way I'm not going to call it quits. I haven't revealed my full potential as a lover yet...
Becca: You just hold it in too much.
Chace: I try too much and I can't stop trying.
Lisa: Maybe you should stop.
Chace: No Lisa. I won't.
Shinji: It's not too late to quit.
Chace: Not you too Shinji...
Becca: I hate to say this but these two are correct.
Chace: Not you as well, Becca...
Chace: You should stop trying. You try too much all your life.
Chace: No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, everything just goes wrong and against my favor.
Garrett: I know you're single, Chace. And I can help you, my friend **** can be the perfect one for you.
Chace: Maybe...
Bill: When reactor arrives, try the dating thing...
Chace: I'll try anything at this rate.
Diane: I need a roomate for reactor.
Chace: I'll go with you in your room if you want.
Becca: Crossplay as Kaska.
Chace: I think I'll pass. I'm not in the sunny mood to be her.
Fishbowl: The whole thing with Candy didn't work out, I have a new girlfriend that I had for a while.
Chace: Congratulations. I wish I was more determined like you.
Fishbowl: ...Do you have a girlfriend?
Chace: No. No I don't. And I'm sorry for the whole Candy...
Fishbowl: It's okay.
Carrie: Aww, crap. I lost.
Chace: Now you have to go on that date with me.
Carrie: Sure. A deal is a deal.
Shinji: What's up?
Chace: I don't think that the date with me and Carrie will not work out.
Shinji: Oh...
Chace: Like he ever cared...I just wanted support...
Chace: What do you fear?
Chace: Death...
Chace: What do you fear?
Chace: Rejection...
Chace: What do you fear?
Chace: Loss...
Chace: What do you fear?
Chace: Myself...
Chace: Good.
Chace: I fear myself? I wish I can turn back time and straighten everything bad that happened to me. About what I said...in a bad way...I...take it all back...this was formerly from my dream that I thought was real. If it was...I would die...regardless...who's waiting for me?
Chace: Your true love.
Chace: Who?
Chace: It's *****!
Chace: Now the time has come for the final chapter of this drama will be opened and more secrets unfold...the end...is at the gates. This final act will reach the climax when you fight with your other egos.
*****: Chace. I love you. Come to me...stay by me...I'm never letting go of you...Kite.
Chace: ...N...Natsume-san...I mean...***** Yes...I will...I'll never leave your side...ever...
Chace: It's almost done... my enemy list...it's done...at last
1: Adam Halls (Jailed)
2: Aris Sandeufer (Rejected)
3: Vivian W. (Rejected)
4: Nick Green (Banned)
All that's left is to fight myself to find the real me and then...we'll see the final results... *sigh* Diane...
Aug. 8th, 2004 @ 03:43 am
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| » Confession of an afraid being... |
|---|
My twentieth rejection has been presented today after work. I bought this girl food when she didn't have any money and just said nothing and went away...I'm now starting to hate women, my boss and my other boss, other girls and I feel like I should hate my lady friends...maybe I've gotten on the wrong foot but I can't allow this...THING to go on any longer...I'm going to kill it before it kills me...I'm step closer coming to my final tocatta...actually...I am in the final act.
Aug. 8th, 2004 @ 03:38 am
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| » Confessions of an uninteresed person who wanted everything. (My final tocotta) |
|---|
The truth is...I've been in many relationships. Around...three or four. Basically three. I...wanted to confess something. After reading...a letter from a good friend of mine...I started to realize the mistakes I made in my past that I wish I can undo. I never said anything to my ex's...when we kissed, I never said how beautiful they were and they feel this smooth and smell good. I never said anything that at all. I was too young. I was too young to know that it would haunt me again when I get older. If I told them of how beautiful they were...I would've been more happier and still had a girlfriend then. Now, I'm having lots and lots of regret for making those mistakes, namely push those others that wanted to use me in a bad way aside. I really wanted those bad girls to use me in a bad way. My life was already in a mess and was at a point when I just didn't care about my life at all.
Allyan...my first...Kirstie...my second...Diane...my third...oh why did I love them? Why did I kiss them, hold them in my arms, made love to them and talk on the phone constantly until the crack of dawn? Is it because I care about them? Yes. Though, they have broken up with me...I have feelings for them and I always will until the day I die. I know now that they are feeling regret...I'm sorry...that I didn't say anything more...about how much I loved you three...I was just too shy to commit anything... I'm sorry about everything... I'm sorry about lying about myself to make me more interesting... from now on I'll be more sincere to myself and other people. I'm not interesed now but I know...that...at least one...will...think I am and said it in a way that I'll appreciate...
Shinji...thank you for helping me find me. If it wasn't for you...I would've been stuck in the dead zone... now I am free at last, free at last, thank god almighty, I'm free at last...from this demi-paranoia curse...now...the only thing remains...how do I get rid of my whole paranoia problem with getting a girlfriend again...that is when I'll be happy forever and change my life...
Keen Edged Blade music vow: Push the darkness aside and fight until you reached the finish line.
-Chace
P.S. I miss you Diane.
Aug. 7th, 2004 @ 01:42 pm
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| » ...Hate... |
|---|
I have just been away for so long because my problems these days have just been too sick and personal with them. Too graphic for me to type it on here. Blood, sweat and tears from all sides...asiding and trying to handle my 19th rejection from Diablo 2... DAMN IT ASSHOLE! And she was just like me but 2 years older than me. What the fuck is wrong is her...you know what...she can go to hell for all I can care... see...too graphic... it's not revenge I'm going for...I just had a bad day at work one time and she had to be the one to ruin it all some more...
Something tells me...that...maybe I should hate all girls...
Jul. 14th, 2004 @ 01:39 am
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| » Overall... |
|---|
All bad events that happened to me for this past month is all over. It's finally over....now I can finally rest in peace at last. As far as my life is concerned, Aris is dead, she's gone and banned from everything. Her spirit was destroyed inside my mind and that set me free to do as I want. Forgetting her now and onto something else. Fishbowl is getting a better date at last. I can finally see one of my true friends happy again but I'm upset that he's going out with the coolest girls around here, Candi. Why her? He could've picked on someone else. I wanted Candi but I guess she's better off with Excelvash than me. :-(
Kristen...truthfully...I haven't talked to her in a long while and I getting worried if she still likes me or not...I don't care if she likes me...if she does...it happens and I'll be happier. If she doesn't, I won't be happy and I'm not sure if I can take that much pain. Considering those who are taken, I wish you good luck and everything in your relationships...
I've been single for my whole life and I'm 20 years old...
Overall...this is turning out to be much more of a mess than before. My life sucks, what am I saying, I have no life. My life is really boring and dull...not too exciting and funfilled...
My life will soon not to be worth living for...
Jun. 7th, 2004 @ 02:56 pm
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| » It all over. The bad stuff is finally over... |
|---|
Now I can finally rest in peace. Aside from the problem from the past, I have no current problems and I have nothing to worry about...except for the debt I have to pay off but I can pay that anytime, no problem. I would just like to thank everyone who was there and supported me in my time of despair and trauma. If it wasn't for my friends, I would not be living today. So, those that are reading this, ask yourself these...
Who are you most grateful to?
What kind of music soothes abnd changes to your good mood?
How are we, as humans, and yourself, live through the struggles and hardships of your life and how you solve them?
If you have someone you love, would you love them a lot more than the significant other would and how would you express the love?
Finally, does your life have any meaning? If it didn't at first, what inspired you to change your mind?
Definitely, finally, would you rather be in the bed asleep?
May. 27th, 2004 @ 06:59 pm
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